Sunday, January 23, 2011

HARD CORE jokes...

Mild reading for the faint heart hahaha sorry for any excessive word or impression ... just enjoy reading and please have wild imagination about it :P

*Bizarre interview*

A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization. The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group." The man says O.K.

He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join. Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance.

The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again. The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization."

As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.

*An accountant for the mob*

There was this man that was an accountant for the mob. He happened to be deaf and mute. While working for the mob he collected over 500,000 dollars by stealing from the books.

The mob boss finds out about this and sends two hitmen to his house. Since the accountant was deaf and mute his brother translated what his brother said.

Hitman: where is the money?

Accountant signs he does not know

Brother: he said he does not know

Hitman: tell us where the money is or we will kill your wife and kids, burn down your house, and castrate you!

Accountant signs fast and furiously that the money is in a safe that is hidden in the floorboard of his closet and gives the combination.

Hitman: what did he say?

Brother: you don't have the balls!

*Unique Advertisement*

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Jimmy Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!"

She yells, "Whose Jimmy Poole?"

This kid in the back stands up and says, "I'm Jimmy Poole."

"Well, Jimmy, your staying after school!"

The very next day when the substitute teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard and written on it, it says, "PAYS to ADVERTISE."

*Will it hurt Doctor?*

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"

The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."

"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.

"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."

"Like this?"

"A little more..."

"Like this?"

"No. A little more..."

"Like this?"

"Yes. Does that hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Now stretch it over your head!"

Happy reading ... that's all for now folks see ya next time

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